“My style of writing? Well, it is basically conversational. Not flowery, overly descriptive, or deep. I write like I would talk to a good friend. My husband calls it journal writing with a bit of research.”
There it is. My self-doubt has reared its ugly head.
Every so often, it sneaks up on me. Here you are, happily swimming along with the flow of life. You have achieved a few goals and are excited about what’s next, and then, wham-o!- insecurity hits you smack between the eyes.
You start questioning what in the blazes you are doing and wondering if you are even any good at this craft of writing. And talk about getting a late start! Again. Why don’t you just chill out, enjoy life, relax and retire?
Stories To Tell
Because you can’t, it’s not in you. You have stories to tell.
You are sure, finally, that spending every day typing away at the computer or waking up with ideas about titles, topics, sentence structure, and memories is what you are put on this earth to do. Writing and getting your ideas across to at least one other human being is your purpose to fulfill.
When writing, I completely lose track of time and everything else. I am absorbed in “doing the thing.” Not thinking about the laundry that is piling up, groceries that need to be purchased, the unfinished courses, the book I want to read, what snacks are in the kitchen, whether or not the cats have eaten, or the next series to binge-watch. (The Extraordinary Attorney Woo on Netflix is excellent, however.)
Imposter Syndrome
Sometimes, the “imposter syndrome” takes over. I know there are countless more experienced and gifted writers than I am. That is one of the main reasons for joining my current writer’s group. To learn from them, the ones that have been doing this for many years, published books, have followers on social media, and are making a living at writing.
I want to be around more brilliant writers to understand and improve my craft. Why reinvent the wheel when you can follow the lead of others who have achieved what you want? I don’t have many extra hours or years on my hands at this point, so I’m looking for the accelerated learning version. I feel privileged to be around these gifted writers and learn more daily.
If not now, when?
I also read more than I ever have in my life. I follow several bloggers, writers’ articles, and newsletters and read books about memoir writing and actual memoir publications. I read a lot of non-fiction and fiction. I’m even rereading the classics like “To Kill a Mockingbird.” It’s been a while.
I am making up for lost time.
My Writing History
The first creative writing I remember accomplishing (other than the regular classroom assignments) was in the third grade. The following month, there was a speech contest, and we were presented with options of pre-written speeches to perform.
During that time, I dreamed of moving to Hollywood and being an actress, so doing a presentation was precisely what I was looking for.
To me, any imagined life was better than the one I lived at home.
One speech that caught my eye was “Chatty Cathy With A Kiss,” about a doll in a box that wanted so much to be taken home by a child who would love her. I liked the concept but felt I could do better with the dialogue, and my teacher agreed. I re-wrote the speech and received my first award ribbon. I tacked the blue #1 ribbon on my bulletin board, which remained a symbol of pride for years.
During middle and high school, otherwise known as the moody roller coaster years, I wrote many poems and song lyrics with the central theme of looking forward to leaving home when I turned 18.
As the years went on, I prided myself on being the best letter and later email writer in the bank for nine years, along with various companies I worked for after, and also at home.
Random writing included a speech for my Grandmother’s funeral and having one of my stories about my son getting his driver’s license published in the local paper.
I took a course by mail in novel writing taught by a published author who always complimented my writing style and gave me some great pointers, but alas, there was no book produced as a result of the time or money spent.
My dream then was to be a published author by the time I turned 50, so I joined a fiction writers group, but again, I only produced friendships. There needed to be a book to show for the time spent. There wasn’t one. I do have four unedited chapters of “333” somewhere in a box.
On A Writing Roll For A Short While
On a positive note, when I was in my mid-forties, I was lucky to work in PR for a large non-profit in town. Producing and writing for their monthly newspaper, used as an added insert in the local paper, and various other fun, creative assignments were among my duties. I was in my happy place. During that time, my writing was also published in other newsletters and publications apart from my job.
When I moved out of town, I didn’t continue to pursue writing a book. I’ve always written, but at that time, being in a new place did not lead to a publication.
At this time, my interest in becoming a blogger and a content marketer was piqued. Although I took a few courses or rather purchased a few courses, I wrote but did not publish anything.
Instead, I went off on another tangent and opened a thrift store that benefited local artists and school art programs. It was great fun while it lasted for two years.
Here You Come Again
Here I am, several courses and nearly 15 years later, still hanging on to that author’s dream of publishing a book.
As I’ve said, I’m thrilled to be a part of what I consider to be an elite writing group. I’m advancing and learning so much.
I promised myself nearly nine weeks ago, right before my 65th Birthday, that I would, at the very least, publish an article online every week without fail. I’ve kept that promise.
In addition, some of those articles I intend to become parts of chapters in my published memoir. No more starts and stops when it comes to my writing or anything else I set my mind to do from now on. But most especially writing.
Writing has been a part of my soul for a significant portion of my life. This won’t be like the time I begged for a guitar and stopped playing the moment my fingers bled.
So, if you have read this far, you may ask yourself why this article’s title is “Writing to an Empty Chair?” along with a picture of the said chair.
As much as I genuinely want to make a difference and encourage and inspire others with my writing, even if that doesn’t happen, I will continue to write without an audience, even with no one in the chair to listen.
I am a writer. Like any other endeavor, I aspire that the more I write, the more my writing will improve, and the more readers will take a moment to listen and reflect.
Perhaps my writing will inspire or encourage others to do “the thing” that they feel called to do. Maybe there is something you have not spent time with lately that you used to love and would get lost in the doing of it? Art? Music? Baking? Gardening? Dancing? Photography? Traveling?
It’s not too late to start again.
Do it! Do it just for you. Do it for your soul.
Thanks for reading.
Keep smiling!
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