My older brother and I were sitting outside at the top of a long set of stairs trying to play with the two firetrucks gifted to us. We weren’t really interested, though. We watched people going in and out of the building, many with tears in their eyes as they stopped to say “Hello”.
Earlier, when I was inside the building, I remember asking someone why my Mommy wouldn’t wake up. I don’t remember the answer.
A while later, my grandmother was crying and screaming at God, asking. “Why? Why didn’t you take me instead?” I ran to her and told her I didn’t want her to go away.
I had just turned four years old a couple of days prior to these events.
These are the earliest memories I have as a child. I have no memory of my mother at all other than her being in the casket. I suppose it was too traumatic.
When I turned 18, my Aunt gave me several pictures of my Mom, one or two when she was a child, some of her high school days, and several of us as a family when my brother and I were little. We all looked so very happy, dressed for every holiday, but it was like looking at someone else, not me.
I have spent many years trying to know who my Mom was in her short life. She died from complications in childbirth with my little sister, who had died a week earlier. My Mom had a tragic life, losing her first husband just a week before my older brother was born.
My family, especially my Dad, didn’t want to talk about the past or relive the many devastating events, so it was up to me to piece together what I could about her life as I grew up.
The most unfortunate news I heard was that my Aunt had burned my Mother’s journals because they “were too sad.” How I would have loved to have read them and understood her heart. I would rather not have known that they ever existed.
As I write this, I am turning 65 this year. I have come to terms with not knowing much about my Mom, but I have been blessed to have cousins tell me wonderful stories about when she was younger. After all, she was still young when she passed away, so she didn’t have a great chance to leave a legacy. My brother and I are her legacy.
Now, my husband and I live close to our son, daughter-in-law, and two beautiful granddaughters who are ages two and three. I get to spend time with them and watch them grow from week to week. I sometimes wonder if I was to die now (we never know when our time is, do we?), would they remember me at all? How do I want them to remember me? What do I want them to know about me and learn from me?
It has occurred to me that I am not the only one who has these thoughts and feelings. It’s just not something most of us talk about.
One thing I know for sure is that I have more of my life behind me than in front of me, so now is the time to start thinking about my legacy, especially when I am feeling healthy and energetic.
But where do you start? I might be a couple of steps ahead of you with this notion of leaving a lasting legacy for your family and friends, so here are a few of my ideas:
The first task is to take an assessment of where you are in life now. I think that the “Wheel of Life” is a great tool to gauge where you are and can improve. This is a free assessment: Wheel of Life
If a certain area could use improvement (like friendship, for example), make a to-do list of improvements, such as video chatting with a friend once a week, volunteering, or visiting a new church.
The next big area for most is decluttering your home. I’ve recently heard the term “essentialism.” I like the idea of just keeping what matters and has a purpose or specific memory and donating, gifting, or discarding the rest. Easier said than done, I know, but it won’t ever happen if you don’t start somewhere. How about starting with the closet? You don’t want to leave all of this for your family to deal with after you are gone, do you? For encouragement, watch these two TV series or read the books that came first with the same titles: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning Watch The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning (2023) | Peacock and Legacy List: Legacy List with Matt Paxton
Legacy Boxes. I recently purchased two for my granddaughters (so excited!) Amazon.com: Wooden Gift Boxes – Large Memory Box For Keepsakes, Decorative Boxes With Lids, Wooden Box With Hinged Lid, Wood Boxes, Storage Box With Lid, Wooden Storage Box Wood Box With Lid (Chocolate Brown) : Home & Kitchen
to place letters, pictures, and anything important from me that I want them to have. I plan on taking pictures of items from my home and telling them why it is important to me and why I want them to have it or donate it to someone who will truly appreciate it. (I’ve learned never to force others to accept an item that isn’t interesting to them, even if it is something I want them to have.)
Now, I realize when you hear the word “legacy,” most of you think immediately about finances/inheritance. While that is important, that’s not what I want to do a deep dive into here. I suggest you hire a reputable financial planner or at the very least, listen to this audiobook from Suze Orman: The Ultimate Retirement Guide for 50+: Winning Strategies to Make Your Money Last a Lifetime (Audible Audio Edition)
Please subscribe to nxt50years.com for more tips and steps to start building your legacy and be remembered by your actual words, stories, letters, artwork, family heirlooms, and items that truly have meaning to you so that your memories will not die with you, they will be passed on and shared with those who matter to you, for generations.
Now, I want to hear from you. What’s your #1 idea or question about how to begin to plan for your legacy now?
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